I don’t believe in anything

Hmm… So processing what I’m going to write on here is one task I really don’t know if I can accomplish..so I’ll write what my brain tells me to..

Maybe i’ll just start with the confusion I go through on a daily basis.. or my fear of pretty much EVERYTHING..

Is this real.. my confusion… on worrying about someone that is complete OPPOSITE of me..he’s not good… I’m sure nothing he says is true.. then why .. why the obsession.. I don’t get it.. I’m going to be 21 in May.. I met the ex when I was 16.. December that was the end of that and now.. now the FIRST guy a meet is probably going to take advantage of me and rip out my heart.. are you serious? People wonder why I question god.. sometimes just the things that happen to me are almost unreal.. who even am I .. I know im this person who is just scared… scared of everthing.. and now this huge fear of never talking to Sean again.. never seeing him.. him telling me goodbye.. or not even telling me anything at all.. I’m scared and I’m not really sure how to control how I feel….it’s sad this is my first blog.. but I cant talk about anything because what would be coming out of my mouth probably wouln’t make much sense.. I just wish that maybe he is thinking about me just as much as i’m thinking about him.. hopefully all good things though.. geez..sometimes I take myself for granted.. I just don’t know how to stop.. Maybe sleep will be good.. I’ll be om Arizona tomorrow.. maybe that will take my mind off shit.. maybe it won’t .. that in itsself might make me try jumping off the nearest bridge.. but really I hope that Sean will just really .. for real.. seriously.. honestly ..just like me then more what we call “friends”.. maybe like a girlfriend thing.. I just admitted that.. wow.. im going now